The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
