Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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