i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
