I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
