If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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