I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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