Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize