Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
