If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
