I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
