so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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