How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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