Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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