HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
