apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
