dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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