you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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