got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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