if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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