I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
