The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
