my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
