Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
