She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
