Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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