drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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