i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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