Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
