he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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