this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
