i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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