i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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