She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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