i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
