please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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