My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
