Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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