I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
