The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
