So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
