Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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