I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
