I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
