I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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