i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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