What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
