So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
