People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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