He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
