Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
