well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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