"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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