Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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