Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
