My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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