So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
