i jhust puked up my retainher.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
