we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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