Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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