my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This is my gift to your gina
Randomize
