She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
