Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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