I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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