His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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