some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
