so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
