I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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