he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
