I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
