checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
